Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The Words we Choose

It still amazes me to realize how powerful words are. The words we choose to describe our moment-to-moment experience (sometimes called our inner dialog, or running commentary), are usually internal and very private. Speaking gives even more power to the words we choose and the language we use. For example, I often use the word “overwhelm” to describe how I'm feeling, as in “OMG! I'm feeling so overwhelmed! Usually what I mean is that I'm experiencing a series of physical sensations, including tightness in my body and shallow, rapid breathing, along with swirling thoughts a strong sense that all these feelings and bodily sensations means that something is very wrong.

Like virtually everyone I know, I'm addicted to adrenaline. I definitely love getting my “fix” in the ways I'm most familiar and comfortable with. That is, unless I'm deliberately getting an adrenaline rush by choosing to step out of my comfort zone. Sometimes, especially lately, I feel as though I'm learning to be more comfortable when I'm uncomfortable, though often I'm so uncomfortable when I step out of my comfort zone that I just want to run away.

When I take this awareness into looking at my relationship with the word “overwhelmed,” I see how loaded that word is for me. I have a story that it's not okay to feel overwhelmed. Digging deeper, I realize that I “hate” (have an intense dislike for) the sensations I associate with the word “overwhelmed.” I feel really double Dash extra uncomfortable. The point here is that when I choose another word to describe the very same constellation of sensations, let's say “busy,” I notice that I'm more calm than when I use overwhelm.

Ultimately, my goal is to release my need for internal dialog to label and therefore “cubbyhole” my experience. My intention is to be fully present with each breath, consciously choosing which, if any, stories I want to be invoking to describe my moment-to-moment experience. As I write about extensively in Drunk with Wonder, there is the “isness” of the moment, free of story or content; and then there is our experience or perception of the “isness,” which is based on the stories we choose to tell ourselves that gives the “isness” a place in the narrative we call life.

To bring this discussion back to the word “overwhelm,” what I'm discerning is that I have used that word to inject a shot of adrenaline straight into my heart. This adrenaline rush, while very intense and definitely a “high,” is also very hard on my body, mind, heart and spirit. When I choose the word “busy” to describe my experience of having made a series of choices with the common goal of accomplishing some tasks, I don't get that shot of adrenaline. I feel much more calm and relaxed, and better yet I think more clearly, which actually allows me to accomplish more than I can when I'm putting myself into an emotional frenzy by “feeling” overwhelmed.

My discovery is that when I'm feeling overwhelmed it's because I choose to use that particular word to describe the sensations I described earlier, not because of how many tasks are on my “to-do” list. I create my experience on a moment-by-moment basis with the words I choose to use to describe the “isness.” In this moment, the words I am choosing to describe my experience of writing this essay are “empowered communicator.”

I still have as many things on my “to-do” list as I did before, it's just that in this moment my list no longer feels overwhelming. It's just a list. I'll get all my tasks accomplished sooner or later without ever needing to feel overwhelmed. How about you? Have you noticed any areas of your life that aren't working as well as they might? Consider taking a close look at your word choices. Perhaps you can choose words, such as busy instead of overwhelmed, which will support you in living the life of your dreams.


Maxine said...

Hello Steve
I discovered your blog through your wife's use of Twitter and find your posts interesting and of much value. I don't see a great many comments which might indicate that you've found your newsletters to be a more effective way to get your message "out there"?


Twitter: videoezy

Anonymous said...

Coudn't agree is what we tell ourselves that we feel...if you tell yourself you are going to have a 'great day' it turns out to be one :)